(This is a looong, but interesting blog...worth reading) No photo today...just an experience.
As soon as I stepped into school, I learned that one of the assistant teachers, Dimyas, father died that morning. Gopa, the head of the department asked if I would accompany them to their home to pay respects. I wasn't dressed properly and they wanted to leave ASAP, but would wait for me to go back and change. As I rush out to find an auto to take me right back where I just came from, I forgot to ask what to wear. I called Kat, who hadn't yet left the hotel and told her what was going on and to be ready soon. I'm going into a lot of detail here, but I didn't know what to expect which makes me scatterbrained and I feel the need to tell you about my entire experience with this! So.. as I reach the hotel, I make sure to have the driver wait 10-15 mins so he can quickly take us right back. I grab one of the girls at the front desk and have her come up to the room and pick out what I should wear. I really had no idea - I was already going to stand out. I mean, how many times has the average Hindu family had a white person show up while the family is mourning?
Thanks to Benazeer, a sweet girl that always checks on the bunnies with me, I had my outfit picked out. Normally, I shouldn't be worried about what to wear, but I didn't want the family to look at me as disrespectful. Kat and I hurry back to the school where they were waiting for us and wanting to leave "ASAP" only to find that we didn't leave for at least 30 minutes. They are so relaxed here...
Let's back up a bit....
Dimya is a very nice, young girl that is Neenas assistant and sometimes has her own class of young ones. She is recently married because that's what her father wanted, not her - and is expecting a baby. She has a history of miscarriages (she's only been married over a year and she's younger than we are...they don't wait around here!) so everyone is pretty concerned about her already since she's 3 1/2 months pregnant. Her older sister is a vocational student at Raksha and her father and mother were supportive the school. Her father had health issues and Dimya and her husband had agreed to take guardianship of her older sister in case anything happened...... but unfortunately, they never made that official.
As we made our way to the home of Dimyas mother and father, I was trying to prepare myself for what to expect. I don't like funerals... (who does?) but my family has had to experience their share of death and I normally get teary eyed just going to a funeral home if it's not even someone in my family. The whole experience was so new to me that I held it together here.
As we arrived to the neighborhood, we took a small walkway back to their house. I had never been in a neighborhood like this before. A lot of men lined the sidewalk up to their house and a coffin was in the yard... Well, not really a coffin, but a something similar only no lid, lined with white cloth and fresh flowers around the edges. I was trying to find a photo of one similar, but can't. As we walk in, there are a lot of people gathered outside the door, mainly males. In what looked to be the main room, a lot of people (mainly females and children) gathered around Dimyas father who was lying on the floor covered in a white cloth with incense burning directly above his head which was facing south, the direction of the dead. Dimya was in an adjacent room so we moved in there to see how she was. A couple little boys kept peaking their heads in the room and looking at Kat and I because obviously we weren't local. As expected, Dimya was very upset. Her father had been released from the hospital the day prior and had BP issues but wasn't expected to take a turn for the worse. He had fallen down the stairs that morning and died in route to the hospital.
Everything with Hindu funerals happens so fast. I wonder - is there really time to grieve? I was surprised that they were having the "showing", as we would refer to it as, that morning with the funeral at 2pm the same day that he died. Tradition says that you must cremate the body the same day unless immediate family is not in the area. A few other facts.... mostly men attend the actual funeral, not women and they carry the "stretcher" or coffin on their shoulders to the cremation site which is sometimes nearby a river. Occasionally, they will actually watch the body be cremated and after a few days, they return and the urn with their ashes is dumped into the river. I have no idea what was done for Dimya's father and I'm getting these facts from a good friend of mine, Hema and the internet. Christianity is very prominent in Kerela so I wonder if the cultures and religions get intertwined at all.
I'm at a loss of words to describe today. Was it interesting to experience? Yes... but I don't think that is an appropriate way to describe attending a funeral. I enjoy learning about new cultures and this took me back to my college days when I enrolled in a Sociology: Death and Dying course. I read and studied about different cultures and how they grieve and mourn the dead. Now, not only have I studied it, but I've also witnessed it. To learn more about Hindu Funerals click here.
Please keep Dimya and her family in your prayers. I never had the chance to meet her family, but they were talked highly of, especially her father who was active in his daughters education at Raksha.
As soon as I stepped into school, I learned that one of the assistant teachers, Dimyas, father died that morning. Gopa, the head of the department asked if I would accompany them to their home to pay respects. I wasn't dressed properly and they wanted to leave ASAP, but would wait for me to go back and change. As I rush out to find an auto to take me right back where I just came from, I forgot to ask what to wear. I called Kat, who hadn't yet left the hotel and told her what was going on and to be ready soon. I'm going into a lot of detail here, but I didn't know what to expect which makes me scatterbrained and I feel the need to tell you about my entire experience with this! So.. as I reach the hotel, I make sure to have the driver wait 10-15 mins so he can quickly take us right back. I grab one of the girls at the front desk and have her come up to the room and pick out what I should wear. I really had no idea - I was already going to stand out. I mean, how many times has the average Hindu family had a white person show up while the family is mourning?
Thanks to Benazeer, a sweet girl that always checks on the bunnies with me, I had my outfit picked out. Normally, I shouldn't be worried about what to wear, but I didn't want the family to look at me as disrespectful. Kat and I hurry back to the school where they were waiting for us and wanting to leave "ASAP" only to find that we didn't leave for at least 30 minutes. They are so relaxed here...
Let's back up a bit....
Dimya is a very nice, young girl that is Neenas assistant and sometimes has her own class of young ones. She is recently married because that's what her father wanted, not her - and is expecting a baby. She has a history of miscarriages (she's only been married over a year and she's younger than we are...they don't wait around here!) so everyone is pretty concerned about her already since she's 3 1/2 months pregnant. Her older sister is a vocational student at Raksha and her father and mother were supportive the school. Her father had health issues and Dimya and her husband had agreed to take guardianship of her older sister in case anything happened...... but unfortunately, they never made that official.
As we made our way to the home of Dimyas mother and father, I was trying to prepare myself for what to expect. I don't like funerals... (who does?) but my family has had to experience their share of death and I normally get teary eyed just going to a funeral home if it's not even someone in my family. The whole experience was so new to me that I held it together here.
As we arrived to the neighborhood, we took a small walkway back to their house. I had never been in a neighborhood like this before. A lot of men lined the sidewalk up to their house and a coffin was in the yard... Well, not really a coffin, but a something similar only no lid, lined with white cloth and fresh flowers around the edges. I was trying to find a photo of one similar, but can't. As we walk in, there are a lot of people gathered outside the door, mainly males. In what looked to be the main room, a lot of people (mainly females and children) gathered around Dimyas father who was lying on the floor covered in a white cloth with incense burning directly above his head which was facing south, the direction of the dead. Dimya was in an adjacent room so we moved in there to see how she was. A couple little boys kept peaking their heads in the room and looking at Kat and I because obviously we weren't local. As expected, Dimya was very upset. Her father had been released from the hospital the day prior and had BP issues but wasn't expected to take a turn for the worse. He had fallen down the stairs that morning and died in route to the hospital.
Everything with Hindu funerals happens so fast. I wonder - is there really time to grieve? I was surprised that they were having the "showing", as we would refer to it as, that morning with the funeral at 2pm the same day that he died. Tradition says that you must cremate the body the same day unless immediate family is not in the area. A few other facts.... mostly men attend the actual funeral, not women and they carry the "stretcher" or coffin on their shoulders to the cremation site which is sometimes nearby a river. Occasionally, they will actually watch the body be cremated and after a few days, they return and the urn with their ashes is dumped into the river. I have no idea what was done for Dimya's father and I'm getting these facts from a good friend of mine, Hema and the internet. Christianity is very prominent in Kerela so I wonder if the cultures and religions get intertwined at all.
I'm at a loss of words to describe today. Was it interesting to experience? Yes... but I don't think that is an appropriate way to describe attending a funeral. I enjoy learning about new cultures and this took me back to my college days when I enrolled in a Sociology: Death and Dying course. I read and studied about different cultures and how they grieve and mourn the dead. Now, not only have I studied it, but I've also witnessed it. To learn more about Hindu Funerals click here.
Please keep Dimya and her family in your prayers. I never had the chance to meet her family, but they were talked highly of, especially her father who was active in his daughters education at Raksha.
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